dude i'm inner monologue high
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
