I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
