We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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