The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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