Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
