im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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