he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
