I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
