I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
