there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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