New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
