Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
