and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
