I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
she told me i tasted like america
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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