Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
