I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I could fuck to npr.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
