I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
