speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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