.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
