please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
