the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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