dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You took a bar mat shot.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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