carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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