She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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