I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
