Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
