Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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