Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
