Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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