i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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