it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
