I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
