We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
