It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
