Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
