he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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