Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
