What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
