Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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