first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
