If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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