it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
