he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
