are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
