As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Randomize
