Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Randomize
