it hurts more in the daytime
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
