you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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