Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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