Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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