Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
